Dear Bloomer: Growth Is Not Betrayal

Dear Bloomer,

There comes a point in a woman’s life when the version of herself that once kept her safe begins to feel too small. The people-pleaser. The peacekeeper. The woman who never asks for too much, who carries everybody, who is always “understanding”, who keeps shrinking herself so the people around her never have to feel uncomfortable.

And the difficult thing about growth is that it does not always look peaceful at first. Sometimes it looks like disappointing people. Saying no. Changing your mind. Walking away from dynamics you once tolerated. Sometimes it looks like being told, “You’ve changed,” by people who were perfectly comfortable with the version of you who had no boundaries.

But maybe different is exactly the point.

You are allowed to become more discerning. More ambitious. More protective of your peace. More intentional about your friendships and more honest about what you need. You are allowed to stop explaining yourself quite so much. You are allowed to recognise that something which once worked for you no longer does.

Growth is not betrayal.

And perhaps we need to extend a little tenderness to our former selves too. That woman who people-pleased, stayed quiet, carried too much or made herself small was not necessarily weak. Sometimes she was simply doing the best she could with what she knew, what she had and what that particular season required of her.

Thank her. She got you here.

You are not required to remain the woman you had to become in order to survive an earlier season of your life.

There is room now to become softer where you once had to be hard, louder where you once silenced yourself, and more intentional about the life you are creating.

Bloom anyway.

About the author

Pat Ricia is a Zimbabwean writer and entrepreneur based in the UK, writing about faith, purpose, womanhood and intentional living. Read her story.